The Beer Prayer

Our lager,
Which art in barrels, Hallowed be thy drink.
Thy will be drunk, (I will be drunk),
At home as it is in the tavern.
Give us this day our foamy head,
And forgive us our spillage,
As we forgive those who spill against us.
And lead us not to incarceration,
But deliver us from hangovers.
For thine is the beer, the bitter, and the lager.

Barmen

The IRS sent my tax return back

The IRS sent my tax return back! Again.

I guess it was because of my response to the question: “List all dependents.” I replied-”12 million illegal immigrants; 3 million crack heads; 42 million unemployable people on food stamps; 2 million people in over 243 prisons and 535 fools in the US House and Senate.”

Apparently, this was NOT an acceptable answer.

Fire Alarm System

Fire investigators in Maui, Hawaii, USA, have determined the cause of a blaze that destroyed a $127,000 home last month: a short circuit in the homeowner’s newly installed fire prevention alarm system.

‘This is even worse than last year,’ said the distraught homeowner, ‘when someone broke in and stole my new security system.’